I weigh in at about 119 at 5'2. Now since I am still nursing, I reduce that number down a bit in my head. I have lost approx 13 lbs since January.
It was then that my dear husband pointed out that I may be gaining some weight.
Ladies, Ladies, you can close your mouths. We have a mutual agreement that if one of us appears to be packing on the pounds (and there are no extenuating circumstances like pregnancy for me and oh yeah, he gets to gain during pregnancy too), we will tell each other immediately.
He knows me so well as to pinpoint an exact moment to the pound that puts me out of his comfort zone. It's a bit harder for me to tell as he can cover it far better.
This little agreement, this right we have bestowed upon one another, is healthy as far as I am concerned. I do not expect perfection by any means-BUT- having a healthy sex life is a necessity. Like a, could- have- been- in- a- pre-nuptial- agreement- if- I- had- one, necessity.
Trust me, the first (and only) time my husband exercised this right back in January was not pretty. I was a little over a year post pregnancy and I thought I looked ok. I came down in to the living room in my new jean leggings that I was so very excited about, and bam he gave me the news. I was pissed, so fucking pissed my head was spinning. This is my usual reaction to cover up hurt and embarrassment. He said very calmly, "I am just exercising my right Michele, I love you know matter what." I told him how fat he was and how he wasn't the one who carried our dam baby for 9 months. I told him he should go find someone better, thinner, and that looked good in jean leggings.
You are still probably convinced that this was cruel treatment. But what I haven't told you is that I have previously exercised this right, on several occasions and was the one to implement it as an agreement in the first place. And so my husband at this moment reminded me of that.
Ok, so what is a girl to do but lose some weight. I pride myself on being attractive in the eyes of my husband. I recognize that this stepford wife mentality may sound submissive to you. But wait dear feminists, the movement that you are part of is about choice, right?
In an article titled "A Spouse's Weight Gain Could Affect Your Sex Life," Toby Elkin quotes a woman who withholds sex from her beefy husband because she thinks, "It's kind of symbolic of the way he feels about our relationship." She makes a solid point that I in fact agree with!
Thirteen pounds later, I feel outstanding! I am so thankful for the honesty in my relationship. I love that my husband and I keep each other on our toes and always expect the very best.
BTW- It was Kate Moss who said, "Nothing Tastes As Good As Skinny Feels." I do not consider myself skinny, but if I did, I could definitely find something that tasted better!
8 comments:
The truth can hurt, but it shall set you free. Congrats on the weight loss Michele. I think it is awesome that you and your husband have an open and loving relationship.
LOVE this post! for its honesty, humor and truthfulness! our self image and the way we take care of ourselves reflects so very much. well done and thanks for the great read. :)
I respect your honesty but isn't love supposed to be blind? Is appearance and weight a prerequisite to make love? Soulmates love each others souls, outward appearance means nothing it is what is on the inside. I could not imagine telling the love of my life they are too heavy to have sex. Just my opinion.
@kristi, i knew you would appreciate this post!
@Minnesota mamaleh, thanks!
@anonymous, yes of course. At the end of the day making
love is about the souls meeting up. And i would never withold
because my hubby was heavy. BUT, I would ask for him not to be complacent.
I don't think gaining weight neccesarily means complacency. I think the perception in the world today that you have to be 100 pounds and a size zero to be beautiful is ruining too many womens and young girls lives. They are actually losing themselves as they strive for perfection or rather what others see as perfection. Your title alone perpetuates this ideology. What you see as complacency I see as just simply life. Things change as you get older, pregnancy, slower metabolism less time and hopefully finally an acceptence of yourself for who you are and not what you look like. As long as you are happy and healthy nothing else should matter.
wow it sounds to me like you and your husband have ur priorities a little messed up! love is love and yes if i was unhealthy and was gaining weight uncontrolably then yes i would hope my husband would tell me out of concern for my health, but to say you've gained 13 pounds and you need to lose weight just sounds wrong. if it works for you then so be it, but for me, NO WAY, especially after 2 kids!!!
@Anonymous #1 (sorry did not want to confuse responses) I completely agree and in no way advocate anyone being 100 lbs if that is unhealthy for their body. It's not really about the weight. It's more about taking care of yourself with eating healthy and exercise. It's hard on this platform, but if you knew me (and my husband) you would know we are not vein people. The title is merely to catch attention. (Haven't you looked at the successful blogging tips out there, LOL!) I agree things change, our bodies change, but we do have control over what we put in our bodies and how we prioritize exercise. Gaining weight is not simply life. That is a very complacent attitude to have. I am so happy that we tell each other, I feel so much better when I am in good shape.
@Anonymous #2- 13 lbs on my body is a lot. In fact it put me in the category of not healthy according to the medical charts. It is also about the trend upwards. Sometimes we are blind to our own selves and having a loving partner to honestly and gently tell us about something that he or she knows is important takes a lot of trust. Remember, I told him the same several times. It as not as if he said, Bitch you better lose weight or I'm gonna get rid of you. The truth is we all want our partners to be attractive to us. I would far rather my husband to tell me than to fantasize about another woman who takes care of her body. Two kids, what does that mean? You can't take care of your body and eat healthy. Confused on that one.
Either way, love your comments. I really really appreciate them.
Thank you!
To all the annoymous commenters:
Whatever happened to wanting to look the best you can for yourself first and foremost and then your spouse and/or significant other? How can you love someone else if you don't love yourself first and to do that you must be happy with how you look and feel. Honesty in a relationship makes for a healthy one and to be able to express to your spouse that they are gaining weight, especially when you made that arrangement in the first place, is very loving. Your priorities sound spot on to me.
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