Starting off at about 6:30am when Victoria woke me up with her usual call of "NaNa mama, mama NaNa, Nani, " I started to think about food. Food and tea are of utmost importance to me. I pretty much make it through the day knowing that I will get to eat and drink tea all day.
Next thought that stands out comes at about 11:30 while walking down the makeup aisle of my local cvs. It popped in almost in PTSD fashion. (You know where you look around to be sure the person in your thought from years ago is not there) I'm 10 and I am so trying on lipstick in cvs. Very scary woman turns to me and says "Haven't you ever heard of AIDS?" F---! that scared me.
The afternoon goes by with one big intrusive thought that I still have not resolved. When do I come out of the closet? I mean, I have taken on this blog to share myself with God knows who, and somehow I can not completely let go. I may offend somebody that I care about or that only knows me in a certain light. And that got me thinking about the fact that people I see everyday who may be reading my blog are finding things out about me without me ever directly telling them. So I may be sitting with a friend talking about a movie and they may be thinking "I know that all you think about is food and that your baby still sleeps in bed with you and demands NaNa's at 6:45 in the morning. I am soliciting advice from any bloggers reading this. Is there a point where you say "F it" I am going to let it all hang out and show you all of me? Or do you keep up a wall for some time that slowly comes down, like you might with a budding friendship? I am also sending out an open invitation for anyone who reads my blog to tell me that you read it. Or don't, it may be more fun for you that way.
Now moving on to my impromptu trip to the Holyoke Mall. I need some kind of stroller so I decide that it might not be that bad to rent one of those ridiculous red plastic cars with the big black pole sticking out of them so they can't be stolen.
$4 later, I am wondering why the hell I thought this was a good idea. I feel like such an ass. I know I look like an ass. Every person that passed was thinking, poor girl, why doesn't she have her own stroller, they are not very expensive, it must be serious. I swear one lady wanted to give me hers. To add insult to injury, I look down to notice a sign on the small mesh bag for storing things that says "Do Not Put Child In Bag."
This confirms all of my thoughts of feeling like a complete ass strolling this dam thing around. The last straw came when I overheard a woman say to her friend "That's why animals eat their young." Get me the hell out of this place! Who knows what may pop in to this head if I stay here any longer. Victoria just may end up in that bag!
4 comments:
Love this entry!! I can really relate to the blog thing. If I wrote what I think and feel most the time then people would prob thing I was a bad person when I just really need to vent. I am still not letting go and just saying what I want in fear of offending someone too. One of these days I hope to say F*@k it too!
I think the stroller rental is a good thing even though we never used one, then again I hardly went to the mall when she was little, couldn't deal with her and the people!! People are cruel! What if you weren't planning on going and didn't have your stroller with you and you are tired of dragging her around or keeping her from running off? That ugly piece of crap comes in handy!! No worries about what the other people said, heck you prob are never going to see them again anyways so screw 'em! lol
LOL, LOL, wait still LOL! I never thought I would use that dam stroller or LOL, but they both come in handy i suppose. Thanks so much for your feedback, I feel a lot better knowing I am not the only one covering up a bit!
You are def not the only one covering up a bit. I know there are more out there. I guess I just need to let it out some if my family hasn't figured out how crazy I am by now then I guess they really don't know me! lol
Yeah, didn't used to use LOL much either but now FB has totally corrupted me!
This is awesome. Those strollers are definitely the devil's wheels and I have been forced to push one around too. They are loud and huge and don't fit down any aisles in the stores without knocking damn near everything off.
As for the letting go...sometimes I feel myself holding back, but I'll be honest some of my best posts are the ones where I just let it all hang out. And I say this because those are the ones that have the most comments. And the comments are usually of the "I can so relate" category.
So let it all hang out girl. I'll read and I promise I won't judge you! Rock on!
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